How cool are you?  Are you too cool for recovery?  I thought I was, and then I hit bottom... hard.  It was the fall of 2002 and I had made enough excuses, hurt enough people, and had enough to drink.  I decided to try something different, something I thought I knew everything about... a 12 step recovery program called Alcoholics Anonymous.  But almost everything I thought AA was about turned out to be wrong, or at least only a version of what it actually is.  For years I would bash and ridicule the very fellowship that has helped me get my life back.  You see, I was a drowning cool... drowning in a sea of alcohol and excuses while refusing to acknowledge there was a problem, refusing to consider that I might be wrong, refusing to humble myself long enough to reach out for help, all in the name of saving face... and, keeping cool.

Because after all, admitting that I was powerless over alcohol or drugs meant I was weak right?  A moral failure...  A loser...  Definitely not cool and in control like I led everyone around me to believe for 20 years.  Yeah, I was a drowning cool...until I learned how to swim thanks to AA and a power greater than myself giving me the tools.  I'm not the first, nor will I be the last.  I'm just glad I now realize this... at last!

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