Are you a
risk-taker or a risk-talker? Conventional society
sometimes frowns upon entrepreneurs and risk-takers by and
large. Most people are raised in environments that teach us to
go to school, get a good job, work hard, keep your nose clean,
and take what they give you. The security of a “stable job"
working for “the man” is how we are taught to assimilate into
society and “be responsible.” This results in a lot of
disillusioned and disappointed people for the most part,
wondering if this is all life has to offer.
The world
is full of two kinds of people. There are those that DO
and those that DON’T. Statistics show those that DO represent
only about 10% of the population. Those that merely attempt
to do represent another 15% of the population. And the
remaining 75% of people are those that don't or won't. So where
do you fall? What will you DO next?
Posted May 23, 2006
The world is
full of broken; broken-hearted people. At the time, there
doesn't seem to be anything worse than spending your days loving
someone that you are not able to be with for one reason or
another. To have deep,
emotional, loving feelings for another that cannot or will not
be reciprocated, is arguably the worst kind of pain any of us
ever go through. The ache in our hearts is heavy, the
nuances of reminders are many, and the desperate loneliness
seems to have no remedy. It's in these times of profound grief that
we learn who we really are and what's really important to us. As all seems hopeless, we
somehow seem to find hope once again.
Hope's presence truly exists in the apparent absence of it.
This is the
great irony that allows our souls not only to survive, but to soar once
again.
Posted May 21, 2006
I’m full of
it. You’re probably full of it at times as well. A lot of
people are full of it. So full of it that it often leaks out,
spilling all over the place, making a mess. Other people notice
it. It’s obvious. It stinks. You know what I’m talking about
right? I’m talking about being full of pride; the selfish,
intellectual kind of pride that causes us to be judgmental,
envious, and negatively competitive with others. The kind of
pride that makes people want to avoid you. The kind of pride
that prevents you from achieving and accomplishing the very
things that give you so much (positive) pride in the first
place...
Posted March 2, 2006
The rain poured
down loudly as I strained to see the building’s entrance through
my windshield wipers. I knew about this meeting’s location from
calling a toll-free number in the middle of the night about two
months earlier. I didn’t really know what to expect, though I
tried to convince myself that I did. I attempted to be
inconspicuous as I waited to see if I recognized anyone going
into this place. I couldn’t believe I was actually here. It
wasn’t the best part of town, and I wondered if I really had the
courage to go in. My heart was pounding; my hands were shaking;
and I was more scared than at any other time in my life before
or since. Years of abuse and excuses had brought me here… and
then I left.
Posted February 8, 2006
Recovery,
from anything, is as much about starting as it is about
stopping; about beginning as well as ending. We often think of
recovery only in terms of stopping something…to give
something up that is bad for us physically and/or emotionally.
But we also have to learn to begin...again.
Recovery is a progressive wellness; it continually takes place
and grows over time.
Like most people
though, endings often make me sad...I've struggled
with this my whole life. Whether it's the end of a vacation, a
movie, or a marriage, the idea of something that was
anticipated... being over... is depressing. It's been said that
the end of one era begins yet another. So to begin an end
means to anticipate the conclusion of events and seasons of life
in advance; to prepare for them to the best of our
ability. It's not morbid, it's practical.
Posted November 30, 2005
It seems that
most of us are either running away from things we want to
forget; or were rushing towards things that we want to get,
achieve or accomplish. All of this in name of “once I get over
that, or once I make this happen…then I will be happy.” But
this day never comes. In this model of life, no one can ever
truly be “happy” because happiness doesn't exist in the past or
in the future. Happiness is created in the present moment that
becomes the past and the future. It appears to be much too
difficult to remain still and simply BE ourselves; in the
moment, as it is. In The Power of Now as author Eckhart
Tolle has described it. The Now is where the past and the
future intersect and where we have to reside to be genuinely
fulfilled. Ironically it’s hard to get into the Now and even
harder to stay there ongoing when our minds have been trained to
avoid the Now and live in the past or the future.
Posted October 28, 2005
We can't talk ourselves out of being afraid; it just doesn't
work that way. We get fearful and afraid, it's a normal
emotion like anger or sadness. Only through seeking God
and having a relationship with Him can we access His power to
better manage or remove our fear. Keeping busy by "doing" doesn't
eliminate fear, it merely conceals it. The finite self
perceives and then defines situations and circumstances as
fearful, and then responds accordingly based on the quality of
our spiritual condition with an infinite creator.
Translation... fear is more prevalent and powerful when apart from
God.
Posted October 12, 2005
We often
romanticize the real ugliness of certain parts of our pasts...
until we revisit or run into them at some point in the future
and realize that they weren’t that pretty after all. These are
the fringe deficits. When I was drinking and partying, I was
everything I always wanted to be, at least temporarily. When I
was out boozing, I thought I was danger incorporated. I was breaking the rules,
beating the odds, bucking the system and bad to the bone. The
reality was that I was at the bottom of the barrel; I was
broken. I mistakenly believed that there was nothing that was
good that couldn’t be made better with alcohol. I lived on
fantasy island…my land, with little regard for the needs of
others. Letting it all hang out is
what finally did me in. I don’t regret my past,
but I do respect it...
Posted August 15, 2005
Growth is
painful, and this pain is evidence that we are making progress.
Because when we are growing, it hurts sometimes. And this is
good because it means that we are aware of our progress whereas
before we failed to even notice. But it doesn’t stop there.
Once we recognize where we need to continue growing, we
now have to do something about it. We have to decide to
continue to grow and improve. And this ongoing progress is
the real hard part. Most of us can achieve isolated victories
from time to time, in whatever arenas we choose to undertake.
But real and consistent growth is measured by our ability to
achieve sustained, ongoing success over time.
Posted July 19, 2005
Being a writer
can sometimes make folks uncomfortable. For instance, you can’t
just show up at any kind of entertainment or social event
somewhere, anywhere, with pen and paper in hand and begin
writing. It makes people nervous. Curiosity instantly gets the
best of people and they pretend they’re not noticing what you’re
doing while they’re noticing what you’re doing. Two opposite
reactions usually follow: “Hey, what are you writing about? Can
I get in your article?” Or “Who do you think you are writing
whatever you’re writing about here?” Either way you’re sort of
screwed.
Posted May 19, 2005
Intimacy
intimidates. We’ve all heard of people who have a “fear of
intimacy.” Most often this description is assigned to men,
though there are obviously many women who suffer from this
condition as well. Though countless psychology volumes have
been written about this subject, I believe this fear of intimacy
actually comes from a fear of other people; people who we
believe have the ability to hurt us. In the spiritual
sense, we often project this fear onto God as we think we
understand Him, and then shut Him out as well. This leaves us
all alone, exactly where we do not want to be, and right where
we are most vulnerable to attacks from those who are most able
to hurt us… our enemies, the enemy, and ourselves.
Posted April 27, 2005
Running away
from and rushing toward people, places, or things is something
we do in our heads. It’s a head game that is controlled by us
and our intellect. Remaining still and present is only done
through the heart. We have to feel in order to really be
still. Working inside our heads requires little feeling; just
calculated and intellectual left-brain activity requiring checks
and balances, supply and demand. Living life from the heart
requires emotions and feelings that most people are used to
burying. We are taught to be successful doers and thinkers.
There often appears to be little time left for really feeling
anything; to get in touch with our spiritual side; to do for
others instead expecting to get for ourselves. The head
often operates from a place of fear whereas the heart can only
operate from a place of love.
Posted April 5, 2005
Anything
outside of God that we look to for comfort and security has the
potential to become a problem. If left unresolved and unfaced,
our problems (whatever they are, and whatever form they take)
will end up controlling, consuming, & will eventually kill us
spiritually and/or physically. We need to face them, fix them,
and then allow them to fuel our growth.
Posted March 15, 2005
Believe it or
not, most people are comfortable being victims; but few will
admit to being one. This chosen position removes them of any
responsibility and ownership of their situations and
circumstances. The onus is taken off of them, they can point
fingers at others, and they can then wallow in self-pity and
feel that the world has wronged them somehow. Victims don’t
take responsibility. They want to blame everyone and everything
else outside of themselves, and refuse to acknowledge their part
of their problems. With rare exception, there is usually more
than one side to every story. But if a person’s focus is
always on another person’s inventory and not their own, there’s
a problem. I’ve heard it said that if you continually find
yourself surrounded by a bunch of jerks and idiots, you might
want to consider looking in the mirror. If you’re one who is
always complaining about other people, places, and things then
maybe you’re part of the problem.
Posted March 7, 2005
Envy and
jealousy are pervasive realities. Either we’re envious of
others who appear to have what we don’t have but want; or
we're jealous of others who seem to have more of what we
already have. Human beings are pretty good at math. We like to keep
score; we say we don’t, but we really do. We keep score and
keep track of everything…sporting events, stock prices, the
neighbor’s new cars, our co-workers break-time, our friend's
relationships, our relative’s gift-giving, and on and on.
But why
aren’t we envious of, or too often interested in others who
don’t appear to have anything we want? It’s because at the
core, we're all selfish. Again, it all comes down to us wanting
only those things that we place value on; those things that
others have and we don't have. It's really just about
economics; about supply and demand. But it's not just
about how much supply exists, but also where it
resides and who has control of it that affects the
perceived demand.
Posted February 25, 2005
...this need to
be liked and loved is so strong that sometimes we manufacture
identities to present to the world because we think this
alternate version of ourselves is somehow more desirable than
who we really are. We’re afraid that if people really knew us,
they would not like us. Now all of this is nothing new. There
are countless books on the shelves that say something similar.
But not everyone who writes about it and calls it out,
acknowledges that they too are apart of the audience they are
addressing. That’s another mysterious reality by the way;
that those who write or speak about certain topics have these
very topics mastered. That’s ridiculous of course. Anyone who
try’s to make you believe they have it all together, really
don’t have it all together after all. Run from them. If I ever
sound like I’ve got it all figured out, please set the
book down and slowly move away from the area… (said in my
best TV cop who is apprehending the bad guy voice).
Posted January 27, 2005
I’ve heard it
said that we’re all just one bad decision away from disaster.
It’s a repulsive and strangely attractive thought at the same
time sometimes. There’s an unspoken thrill that results
from flying too close to a flame without getting burned; coming
away unscathed. When things appear too predictable or
boring, sometimes turning up the heat seems to solve the
problem; even though we know the consequences are likely to be
bad. But do we ever really get away with anything?
There are costs for good and costs for bad; both right and
wrong. But not everything good, looks good on the outside.
Nor is bad always ugly; often just the opposite at first.
So what happens next? How does it end? Do we really
want happy endings…or do we simply
need an ending?
Posted January 13, 2005
One of my many
past jobs was working as a counselor at a mental health
hospital. The term “counselor” was used loosely. My
main responsibilities were to police the adolescent and adult
residential units, document all behavioral activity, and
generally baby sit while always being ready to respond to a
“code.” A code was when one of the patients acted out
aggressively thereby endangering themselves or others.
In addition to
the behavior management duties, from time to time I would also
get to sit in on and facilitate substance abuse counseling
sessions with the patients. This was very ironic looking
back because it was during this time that my personal drinking
career was beginning to really take off. I would discuss
the Twelve Steps of AA and NA with the kids, punch out when my
shift was over, and then head out to the bars with my wife and
friends at the time. It never occurred to me back then
that I may have a problem with alcohol. That was always
“someone else’s problem.” After all, I worked hard and
played hard, just like I thought you we’re supposed to do.
It would take me almost ten more years to figure out that I was
actually that someone else...
Posted January 5, 2005
You know I
don’t always get this stuff…the stuff about God and all that. I
mean, sometimes I feel very close to God, like I am really in
touch with and connected to the spiritual world. Other times, I
feel so far away from knowing who God really is, who I am to
God, and how all of this relates to my day-to-day existence in
this world. I can be very convinced and certain one day, and
then utterly wishy-washy and doubtful the next; sometimes by the
moment if I’m being honest.
Like many
people, I believe I can come to reasonable, intellectual
conclusions about the nature of spirituality and religion.
I have after all, taken American denominational studies, Old and
New Testament survey courses and the like. I do try to
look into things deeper than just what appears on the surface. Of course faith
and spirituality cannot exist solely on reason, that’s
unreasonable. This is where it gets confusing. This
is where my journey has been, and this is where I want to
begin...
